


Adored by Him

by deanisbiandsoami



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Knows, F/M, Gwen knows about Merlin loving Arthur, Hurt, M/M, Magic Revealed, Marriage, Merlin's angry and hurt, Pain, Some other things, about the magic, errrr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-26 19:06:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3861277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanisbiandsoami/pseuds/deanisbiandsoami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin's thoughts and actions following Arthur's relationship with Gwen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adored by Him

"Come on, Merlin. I see how you look at him." Guinevere said, smiling kindly at him. Merlin looked away. He knew what she meant and he knew she was right but he couldn't bring himself to admit it to her. Not when she had what he so desperately wished for.

"What do you mean?" He asked, meeting her eyes again and feigning ignorance. He was quite good at pretending, he thought. After all he had managed to keep his magic hidden from close to everyone so far. 

"Arthur." Guinevere said. "You look at him like I do." Merlin bit his lip avoided her eyes. He didn't want to lie to her. She was his friend after all. She'd always trusted and protected him when he got himself in stupid situations like that one time Morgana believe he was Guinevere. 

"How does it feel?" He relented. "Being loved by him?"

"Merlin?" She asked. He didn't know if she didn't know what he wanted to know or if she didn't want to tell him. 

"Please, Gwen. I've loved him for so long." Merlin decided to throw all caution in the wind. Guinevere's smile turned sad. She put a hand to his cheek.

"I don't want to hurt you." She said. Merlin shook his head. 

"You won't." He promised. "I hurt, yes, but not because of you." 

"It is a privilege." She said, the sadness in her expression turning into fondness, love. "Not because he will be king but because he so rarely shows his feelings. He makes you feel like you're the only one on this planet, the only one he wants to talk to." She blushed a little. "His lips are soft. Even softer than they look but not as soft as his hands. Warrior's hand's yes, rough and calloused but so gentle when he touches my face. Feather light as if he was worried he would break me." Guinevere sighed contently. "Merlin, it is the most beautiful thing I have yet felt." Merlin nodded her words heavy in his stomach. He had tried to imagine Arthur as a lover. He anticipated banter, teasing. He never thought Arthur would be gentle, not as if he was touching a flower. 

"Thank you, Gwen." He said. 

"Merlin, I'm sorry-" Guinevere started. 

"Don't be." Merlin said. "You make him happy. That's all I want." Merlin swallowed and turned around, leaving Gwen behind in her room. 

 

"You're cheerful considering the sight of your room." Merlin said as he entered the king's chambers. Arthur just beamed at him.

"I'm going to marry Gwen." He said. Merlin swallowed but then quickly forced a smile. He hurried to clear his bed, arranging to sheet like they were supposed to be.

"I'm sure you're exhausted." Merlin said, not looking at his friend. 

"Merlin, are you alright?" Arthur asked. 

"Yes. I'm just worried about Gaius." Merlin said. Arthur put a hand to his shoulder. 

"He'll be fine once we get him food, water and some rest. I'm sure of it, Merlin. He has lived through way worse." Merlin nodded.   
"Yes… I'm sure you're right." He said. 

"Go, Merlin, he needs someone to look after him. I can clean up here." Arthur said. 

"Thank you." Merlin said and quickly hurried out of the king's chambers. He felt tears so close to spilling over as he hurried to his little room. 

 

"Merlin?" Gaius asked as he entered the physician's room. "I thought Arthur would have you clean up his chambers all evening!" Merlin just shook his head, trying to go to his room but Gaius grabbed his arm. He was back to his old strength with a simple spell from Merlin and a little bit of water and sleep. 

"What is it, Merlin?" Gaius asked. Merlin clenched his jaw but he couldn't hold it in any longer.

"I've saved him more often than I can recall!" He called, tears spilling from his eyes. "Today actually. I bound Morgana's magic. It is thanks to me that we could retake Camelot. I have always, always protected him." 

"Merlin, will you tell me what happened?" Gaius asked, sounding much like a father.

"He asked her to marry him. Her. He calls her his guardian Angel. I am the one who constantly saves his life not Gwen. Me. And he loves her. And I have to watch. I would lay down my life for him. I have laid down my life for him. I would give up anything. Why can he not see that. I just need him to see that." Merlin tried not to break down as he was shaken by sobs. "Why does this hurt so much? Why can't it just stop?" 

"Because it's real, boy." Gaius said. "I am afraid it will never stop. I am very sorry you had to fall for him. I wish you had more luck." 

"This is no matter of luck." Merlin said. "There is no way I could give everything to protect him without loving him. This is my destiny. I just wish he didn't have to have an heir. I know him, I know that I am not just a friend to him. That's the worst part, Gaius." 

"Oh, boy." Gaius said, pulling him into a hug. 

 

"Merlin!" He heard and stopped in his tracks where he was just about to leave the feast. He had thought Arthur distracted but evidently he was mistaken. Merlin turned back to face his king.

"Just nature's call, sire" He forced a smile.

"Stop lying, Merlin." Arthur said. "You and I both know that's not the reason you're leaving." Merlin swallowed. 

"I need you to tell me that I made the right choice." Arthur said. "Please, Merlin." Merlin swallowed. 

"You are." Merlin said. "You will be very happy with Gwen. She is a kind woman, kinder than any I know. She will be a good Queen." 

"Then why are you not happy?" Arthur asked. Merlin shook his head in disbelief. 

"Are you really that thick?" Merlin asked. 

"Merlin!" Arthur scolded. "I am your king!" 

"I know… and you truly are a great king. But you are so stupid." Merlin said. 

"Well, enlighten me then!" Arthur called 

"I cannot bear the see you with her." Merlin said. Arthur frowned. 

"Do you not think I should have forgiven her?" Arthur asked. 

"Of course I do… she was- that's not the point here." 

"Do you love her?" Arthur asked. Merlin looked at him, into his beautiful blue eyes.

"It is not Gwen that I love, Arthur. I love you." Merlin said. "I have for so long, since you followed me to rescue my mother. I have loved you." Merlin looked away, trying to hide his tears. 

"I never thought you would feel like this." Arthur said. "I would've-" 

"Sacked me?" Merlin asked. 

"Kissed you." Arthur said. "I am sorry I did not realize. I hope you can forgive me, Merlin. I have to marry… had to marry. I am a king." Merlin nodded.

"I understand, Arthur." Merlin said. "There are plenty servants at the feast." 

"It won't be a feast if you don't confuse the knife thrower by moving his knives to fly in a different direction using your magic." Merlin looked up at him, his eyes wide.   
"I know, Merlin. I'm not as thick as you think. I didn't want to tell you I know, I wanted you to trust me enough to tell me yourself. But I feared I would lose you over this, choosing my future, my people over you. I have been scared of magic all my life but I'm not scared of you. The things you do, Merlin you are the bravest man I know. I love you too but I cannot be with you." Merlin smiled.

"That's fine." Merlin said. "You have to continue your line. And you love Gwen." 

"You're my best friend." 

"And you're probably drunk, your prat-ness. You really don't sound like yourself." Merlin said, giving him an honest smile.

"There it is!" Arthur smiled. "Will you join us back in the hall? I believe the knife thrower is about to start!" Merlin nodded and followed Arthur inside, muttering a few words to get rid of the tears on his face and the redness around his eyes. 

"As if you would ever spill your childhood friend's secret to me." Arthur mumbled.  
"You've known since then?" Merlin asked. Arthur laughed. 

"I saw you cast the spell… I couldn't believe my eyes. I talked to your mother. She assured me that you would never hurt the innocent. I chose to believe her. Guess she was right." 

"To think how much easier all those years would have been." Merlin sighed. Arthur laughed. 

"I wouldn't be the man i am today if you'd have just shoved every obstacle out of my way." He said. "Also I think my cup needs refilling." Merlin smiled at his king. 

It still hurt when he saw Arthur carry Gwen off to the chambers he knew so well. He walked alone back to his own room, feeling lonely but at the same time happy because Arthur knew. Arthur knew. He thought about so many things that Arthur had said to him that he never realized where sarcasm or teasing him. He thought about what exactly it meant for him to believe Merlin's word over a knight's even though he knew Merlin had magic. He'd never thought Arthur trusted him that much.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this :) Hope you liked it.


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